question

someone please explain: why is it that the harder you try to forget - the easier it is to remember?

"I am vindicated

I am selfish

I am wrong

I am right

I swear I'm right

I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself"

7 yrs

7 years - 7 years since I lost an irreplaceable part of my life. Time flies, but somethings I'll never forget. Everyday, something reminds me of you - everyday I wish I had one more day with you... If only I were half the person you were... If only this world were filled with more people like you... If only...

"You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes, made me
realize what i could not see... and I could write a song a hundred miles long,
well, that's where I belong and you belong with me... oh, what good is it to
live, with nothing left to give...."

precious moments

It's amazing how it's so easy to forget what it feels like to be genuinely happy. The only way to remember is to actually have it happen... and when it happens, it's a blessing.

These days we get too caught up in trying to be happy. We try to convince ourselves and others that we're happy. We take any little thing and try to make it a positive, just so we fool ourselves into believing we're happy. Example: "I got my report done today. I'm happy." seriously? not good enough. Example: "I found a quarter." um, if that's all it takes, i'll give you a dollar. Example: "No traffic today" wow, your happiness depends on the number of cars on the road? sad.

Why do we have this desire to think we're happy? why can't we just try to be happy? sometimes i think we get so focused on wanting to be happy that we don't even realize we are, in fact, happy. after all, the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? It's always easier to get caught up in the negatives than to acknowledge the positives. don't get me wrong, there are many people out there who are positive people, but for those few people like myself, we're pessimists. we're cynics. we can't possibly believe in 100% good. there's always a catch, there's always a dark side, there's always something wrong, or potentially wrong. we get focused on negatives instead of appreciating the positives that are right in front of us. I keep telling myself i'm done w/ being negative, done w/ turning my back to the good things in life, but it's so hard to do. Human nature is to be stubborn.

We tell ourselves to embrace change, but how many of us can really accept change that easily? Nevertheless, back to the start: The only way to remember is to actually have it happen... and when it happens, it's a blessing. For the first time in a long time, I finally remembered what it was to be happy. To laugh without having to force the smile. It was a liberating moment. Even if just for a few hours - those few hours were refreshing to say the least - almost to the point where it was surreal. Yup, those few hours made me remember why we put up with everything else in life...

"...when it's all too much, and i'm feeling low. when it's all too
much, i need simple things like peace, and i need love, i need all the things
sent from above, i need chocolate cake and lemon pie, i need all the things that
make me smile, i want rain, and i want sunshine, i want all the things sent from
the sky that put a smile upon my face, and make this world a better
place..."

Pursuit of Happyness

wise words from the movie:

smart dad:
"...and it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there... like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it."


smart kid:
"Probably means there's a good chance. Possibly means we might or we might not."
"okay."
"So, what does probably mean?"
"It means we have a good chance."
"And what does possibly mean?"
"I know what it means! We're not going to go to the game."