another year...

"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again"

- Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days

Here's my resolution...

...i'm letting go... haha - nick lachey reference. pathetic - this is what my life has become.

so as i sit around waiting for my two-faced ex-senior twit to finish w/ her lover, let's reflect. as a new year approaches, i realized that i never really ever made a serious resolution. i always joked around, said stuff, but never followed through. well, this year i have but one resolution that i really need to follow through w/:

This year I will treat people the way they should be treated.

____________________________

continued on the 29th as follows:

so i got cut off yesterday, but yes, the new year is rapidly approaching. this year has had its fair share of ups and downs and go arounds, but the same goes for any year. looking back, i feel like i've been pretty bad. i hafta start being more of a mirror - be nice to ppl who are nice to me, and don't be so nice to ppl who are not nice to me. I can't be walked all over n e more and I can't walk all over other ppl n e more.

Life isn't fair. we all know that. as much as I like to believe that eventually good deads will be repaid, it's not true. The problem is: too many of us have come to realize that, and instead of correcting the problem, we fall victim to the belief that if other ppl can treat us unfairly, then we have the right to do that too. I beg to differ- hence, the resolution. What goes around comes around. Karma has given me a few swift kicks in the@$$, and it had every right to. but, no more. i'm going to learn to appreciate the people who are actually out there and care.

here's to another year...

NYE08!!!

so yesterday night was an exciting night. after an adventurous dinner, yesterday night was when i decided that since our lives had hit a brand new low regarding new year's eve, next year will be different.

with the help of a buddy who shall remain anonymous, we have planned the greatest new year's eve bash ever. yup, this is the announcement of the big NYE08. this, of course, will not be happening on long island, but rather my fabulous NYC penthouse w/ a giant projection screen to watch the ball drop. the invitation process is highly selective (i don't do large groups) - we are already starting to consider the potential guest list, so if you're interested please let me know. For those of you not on the list, there will a limited number of openings on folding chairs available for $5 - $10. Tables will not be available, but you should definitely reserve the chairs. Currently on debate is whether to offer a beverage w/ a folding-chair reservation. Party hats will be provided by "buddy" and we're leaning towards sushi for eats, among other junk food of course. w/ the massive amounts of space i have - i will sympathize with those exiled to long island and give them first pickins for sleep areas.

this post will be continuously edited. please feel free to make any suggestions...though i might not take them into consideration.

Yawn...

I am exhausted. I don't know what my problem is. I can't keep my eyes open.

the most excitement i had today was watching a dumb girl fall into a puddle b/c she was too preoccupied with her starbucks coffee. some little girl - she's probably one of those obnoxious too-cool-for-my-age people. lessons of the day: 1) if you get starbucks, sit down and drink it; 2) don't walk near large puddles, especially in nyc - who knows what's swimming in them. 3) act your age - don't be a dakota fanning in training...i kinda laughed, so that's really gonna push me further away from heaven. now i'm just waiting til i get shoved into a puddle - karma really sux.

actually, i shouldn't lie - the most exciting thing ever to happen to me today is the acquisition of a tape dispenser. i dunno, though, it's a close competition b/w the glue stick and the tape. i think the tape wins though. i won't even discuss the highlighter - i kno you can handle only so much excitement at once. yes. this is what my life has become.

i need to change my life. i can't just sit around and watch the sun rise and set everyday. I feel like life's going nowhere. u close ur eyes for a sec and a lifetime has flown by. Something needs to happen with my life - i'm scared that i'm falling into the trap of work-no-life... ugh. u kno there's something wrong when gone are the days you actually didn't mind going to work and (dare i say it?) i actually enjoyed work at one point. things are only going to get worse too b/c i just sit around and complain, but i don't take any action. i don't even know what i would do though to change things. i'm not comfortable with this life n e more. i was though. i was perfectly satisfied with my situation, but now with each day passing, i feel like i'm just wasting away. it's not depression or regret, just disappointment. i use to have fun. pure fun. now it's like fun is just a joke that i make in passing for like 2 seconds, then it's back to nothingness. err. i've never been an advocate of change, but right now i think i'm pretty darn desperate.

"...where did i go wrong, i lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness,
and i would have stayed up with you all night, had i known how to save a
life..." - The Fray

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the day we wait all year for... well, at least the day i wait all year for, has arrived. can't write much, but I must say, today's the day i forget about everything else - live for the moment. today is Christmas. go out an enjoy it b/c it comes but once a year...

i don't care how tired you are of Christmas music:

"...let's join together, we can watch the snow fall forever and ever, eat, drink and be merry, come along with me...take care in all you do next year and keep smiling through the days - if we can help to entertain you, oh we will find the ways. so merry Christmas one and all, there's no place I'd rather be than asking you if you'd oblige stepping into Christmas with me..." - Elton John

"...i feel like runnin' wild as eaches and a little child... let's deck the halls with holly, sing sweet silent night...go to sleep and wake up just before daylight...that's what Christmas means to me..." - Stevie Wonder

Are inflatables acceptable?

I guess the question reallty is: are they tacky? Personally, I think they're pretty awesome. But that's just my opinion. Everything within reason though - like if I had a really small front lawn upon which the inflatable would be overflowing, then obviously it's not meant for me to have one. C'mon, are they not cute? I feel like a lot of people have lost their christmas spirit. myself included. As we get older, we seem to forget the pleasure we had running down the stairs christmas morning to open our gifts. These days it seems like we just struggle to get in that extra few minutes of sleep on Christmas day. I drive up and down the blocks of my neighborhood and see darkness during the holiday season. The most you see is a wreath, maybe a string of lights, a white wooden raindeer... where has the holiday spirit gone? do we really out grow Christmas? i hope not. christmas music is the only thing that seems to keep the spirit up, but these days, all you hear are complaints about how the radio plays christmas music so early - even going as far as to start before thanksgiving. God forbid... jeez.

come on people. i'm not the most positive and optimistic person in the world, but gosh darnit, show some holiday cheer. We've got years full of stress and other problems, why can't we just take this time of the year and make it the best darn time? i'll admit, maybe the inflatables are a little too much - overcompensation for the lack of spirit in the air. but, hey, i'm trying, and so should you, cuz if we're not happy now, then when will we ever be?

tonight's the eve of Christmas, and whatever you're doing - try to be happy. Accept your circumstances and appreciate the people around you. Christmas comes but once a year. it's not about the presents, it's not about the decorations, it's about the time you are given - so make the most of it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

i only lied about being a thief...

merry early christmas: it's here... (if you don't see anything below, then go to Ocean's 13)

I really hope this doesn't turn out to be a disappointment. Ocean's 11 was perhaps one of my all time favorites - maybe I'm oblivious or something, but it seemed like everytime I watched it, I'd find something new. Hence, the building up for Ocean's 12. Result: slight disappointment. I'm not gonna let my hopes get too high about this one, but still, it's worth a post...

My Christmas List

These are the four F’s in my life:

1) Family
2) Friends
3) Fun
4) Food

Without these, I would be nothing. And so with this, there is only one thing I ask for this Christmas: time.

Not the Best-est Buy...

I did something bad. I yelled at a lady. The worst part about it is I think I yelled at her because of stress. Frankly, I’m tired of putting up with people. I know I’m a pushover, but now people are abusing it. Work and social life - people are sending me over the edge.

A few weeks ago I was told that I shouldn’t have to put up with a lot of the things I put up with. A lot of people tell me that, but I don’t listen. I hate conflict. Anyways, I finally listened.

We went to Best Buy last night and waited patiently on line to pay. After being told to go to counter 11, we proceeded to stand in front of the respective cashier. Suddenly, a lady shoves her way in front of us and puts her cr@p on the counter. I kinda feltmyself gettin p*ssed, but I let my dad and brother take care of it, as usual. Normally, when someone’s a jerk, they have enough rage to take care of it for me -I just blend into the background hoping violence won’t take place. The lady turned around and looked my brother in the face and goes “calm down!” who the h*ll is she to tell my brother what to do? And don’t tell him to calm down when you’re the one pushing his buttons. Freakin b*tch - “Don’t tell him to calm down - you calm down. get back in line.” And so the following:

B*tch [after a look of shock]: “that lady told me to go to 12 but there’s someone still paying there, so I deserve to be next”
Me: “we were told to be at 11, we’re next. That’s not our problem”
B*tch: “why should I have to wait?”
Me: “Why should we have to wait b/c of you?”
B*tch: “I was next on line”
Me: “yea, over there. We’re paying – move.”
B*tch/: “no, it’s my turn”
Me: “we’re not going to wait because of you – we’ve been waiting for our turn and now we’re paying here!”
[at this point the cashiers are just looking]
B*tch: “I go first”
Me [trying real hard not to curse]: “no, you go back to the lady and ask her what register you should go to or you wait your turn at 12.”
B*tch: “no, I go here because I was next”
Me: "that's not right - get back over there"

At this point 12 is done and tells my brother to bring the stuff over there. So we go over there and pay. The b*tch stays at 11 and proceeds to have issues upon where she sends her son back to get something. We finish and have to walk past 11 to the exit. She gives us a dirty look and so I turn back and look her in the face and say “don’t give me that look. F*ck you, b*tch” Not gonna lie. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to hurt her real bad. Just punch her. I’ve never had that feeling in my life. Not even a single time during the 9 years of karate I took.

So what is the lesson we take away from this? 1) don't go Christmas shopping. 2) there are plenty of idiots in this world. 3) Self-control is crucial.



btw - this was written at around 7pm on the way home from work today, yea, that's right the friday before christmas weekend. this would've been written earlier, but apparently nexus and solicitation laws were more important...

No kids for me.

so bad news. well, i dunno if it's bad news per se, or good news for you. China's changing their adoption rules (for full article: China Tightens Adoption Rules). For those of you too lazy to read through it, which is sad because it's a short article and even I read through it, here are some excerpts:

"China is planning to issue new, tighter restrictions on foreign adoptions of Chinese children, which would prohibit adoptions by parents who are unmarried, who are obese or who are older than 50, according to adoption agencies in the United States."

"Some of the new rules focus on the fiscal, physical and psychological health of prospective parents. People who are taking medication for anxiety or depression can be disqualified under the new rules. Couples will be disqualified if either person has a body fat measurement exceeding 40 percent (30 percent is generally considered obese). And a prospective adoptive family’s net worth must now exceed $80,000. "

Wow. So let's break it down, people who want to adopt a child from China must:

1. pull a Britney Spears and marry any dumb oof;
2. stay depressed and throw away their meds;
3. get their stomach stapled, starve themselves, or undergo liposuction; and
4. be rich.

So, guess it's official i'm never gonna have kids - cuz frankly, my gene pool should not be replicated and carried on. Adoption was a possibility, but looks like the government took care of that for me: 1) i ain't gettin married. 2) if i'm depressed, i definitely don't want kids. 3) i'm fat. and 4) definitely not racking in the big bucks here... i'm not really sad about it - b/c i can't even imagine myself trying to raise a kid. it's all fun and games when they're little, but then they grow up, and that's when u start to have major problems. here's a thought - everyone I know can have kids, and I'll just be like the santa clause who comes around once a year bearing gifts. of course they'll be cheap toys b/c i won't be able to afford n e thing, but toys nonetheless.

in other news: i heard on the radio this morning that New Yorkers surprisingly have longer life spans than the rest of the country... looks like it's time to move...

The not-so-EZ pass

Some things I just can't tolerate. Incompetence is one of them. Welcome to Monday mornings: the prime time to have a run-in with incompetence.

Morning commutes are an odd combination of dreading the new week and a peaceful time of isolation to collect my thoughts. Traffic is the one enemy, besides lack of sleep. No one wants to deal with i'm-so-cool-ers swerving in and out just waiting to hit you, or the turtles crawling so slow that sometimes you actually worry you might die before reaching your destination. This morning was no exception. In fact, it was slightly worse. Literally as I'm turning onto the service road to get on the LIE, I turn the radio on and hear "...LIE is backed up, westbound traffic moving slowly..." great, whatever, i can deal. but this, this is the epitome of incompetence. Slowly but surely I made my way to the CIP and onto the throgs neck. Following my usual take-the-right-most-lane-because-it-splits-into-cash-and-ezpass-and-every-morning-it's-about-a-3:1-cash:ezpass-situation, I go right - because I am a creature of habit and I dislike change. not to mention this would allow me to save time trying to cut ppl off to get over to I-95. always thinking ahead. WELL, everything's going smoothly, until i find myself in the lane at the point of no return. yes, that's right - the point where there are those little reflector sticks on each side of u, where you are about 5 feet from the actual toll booths that would've had someone in there had they been collecting cash. main point: the point where you can't back out b/c as the signs say - it's illegal. i see the bar go up and down a few times, allowing drivers to be on their merry way. until of course there are only two cars ahead of me, one with a hand sticking out of the window grasping a white thing. oh great, don't tell me there's an idiot amongst us and I'm actually not it. though the EZPass may seem to work wonders for some people - it is not a magic wand. You don't wave it up and down to make the magical pole in front of you disappear. You keep it on the dashboard or windshield. Or maybe from now on they should just have you plaster it on your head. at this point ten minutes pass and the honking horns have subsided because clearly they have been useless, unless causing a headache was the purpose. the idiot ahead is still rapidly waving the darn white box outside his window. people in the car in front are trying to indicate to him what to do through their windshields, but clearly only successful at making themselves look like a cage full of monkeys. still the bar does not move and the idiot still works on his biceps.

Finally a cop comes along - God only knows how long it took him to cross all those lanes. Thank goodness he didn't get hit. Reminiscent of one of the few books I read: She's Come Undone. In the book, the the protagonist's mother works in a toll booth and gets killed while crossing the lanes. Sad, I know. Yet, something about that, perhaps the overall book's mood, made me let a giggle out. Yes, I don't know where I'm going, but it certainly ain't heaven. Back to the point. The cop had to come by to take the darn white box and swipe it against some other pad on the tollbooth. Viola. Up goes the pole - idiot was free at last. Perhaps it's like a Harry Potter thing. Each magician has a wand that is particularly suited for him/her. Clearly this magic, supposedly ez, pass was not meant for the idiot.

Failed writer

This is my first post. The reasons I've started writing this are pretty much because 1) I'm bored and 2) I'm a failure at everything I do - this is equivalent to a white flag to my once grandiose idea of writing a book.

Lesson #1: I don't want sympathy. Sympathy makes my life seem even more pathetic.

Lesson #2: I am pathetic. Anything bearing any resemblence to being categorized as good in my life, I always manage to allow it to unravel right before my eyes. Sad, but true, yet that brings us right back to lesson #1.

This is just an introduction, so obviously I will not get into any details now. But be forewarned: this is going to be something unpredictable. My posts will be of many different categories - some true, some not so true; some humorous, others quite serious. If I get you to the point where you can actually differentiate each post and understand my life, then you will have gotten to know me better than I know myself. You will laugh, you will cry; you will be elated, you will be angry; you will like me, you will hate me. regardless: you will have a reaction. i won't.

Lesson #3: I am unemotional.

Welcome to the beginning of nothing...